Day 53
by anzoonza
Summary: 53 days of Oliver and Felicity after the events of "The Climb"
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Day 53**

Author Note: I am going through an Olicity moment. It's pretty much uncurable and involves me writing fanfiction. Now I'm posting it. I'm very, very new to this. Feedback is appreciated, also any notes on what I'm doing wrong in the posting process.

Story Note: The chapters jump from Oliver's POV and Felicity's POV. Yes the beginning of Oliver's POV is repetitive, that's intentional and is explained down the road (and also if you read comics, cough).

Thanks so much for reading! Let's try this...

**_Day 1 - __Oliver_**

"So maybe I was wrong."

"Oliver, are you- Oliver?"

His eyes go to the window.

"Oliver?"

When he looks back, Felicity is looking at him strangely.

"Are you okay?"

"This," he knows this moment. This is when the rocket came in the restaurant. He had grabbed her and then it was chaos. "This isn't real. There should be.. "

She smiles at him, "a missle? We lost the other diners too. And our waiter."

He looks around at the empty restaurant. It's not just that though, the reds are lusher, the curtains in the window are almost gossamer. When he looks back at her, there's a light behind her, gilding her. "I died on the mountain," he says after a moment.

Her smile fades, "I don't believe that."

"I did."

"So why are we here then? It's not my dream. I would know that, my prefrontal cortex would tell me that and I would wake up."

"I don't know what it is.."

"Neither do I," she says, gravely. "But whatever it is, it's happening to you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Day 3 - Felicity**

Felicity eats the last dumpling and glances at the clock on her computer screen, absently noting it's 2:47am. She stands and goes to the window, playing with her necklace. It's becoming too easy of a conclusion. If Oliver had defeated Ra's al Ghul he would have come back to Starling. He has not come back. Logic: He did not defeat Ra's al Ghul. Still she doesn't accept this. They were in an unknown location, most likely a really far one. There's travel time. There's also the fact that Ra's al Ghul heads up a whole league that will have to be dealt with. Starling is quiet. There's no league attacking it. Maybe.

"Hey-"

Felicity turns, seeing Ray, holding up part of the ATOM suit. "I have an arm."

"You have three of them."

"Ha!" He says, his expression filling with boyish enthusiasm. "How's the touch notification program coming?"

"It'll be done soon."

"You're amazing," he says and disappears down the hall.

She turns back to the window, looking out at Starling and the Foundry, just west and hidden behind a few buildings. Maybe has to be enough, for now. She will focus on the ATOM suit. Ray's eagerness is infectious and the software for it is distractingly complex. When he talks about using it though, she has to bite her tongue. He may be in shape but he's not Oliver. Or even Roy.

Roy wants to start going out. The city needs to believe there's someone protecting it or crime will rise. Cisco is making an Arrow suit for Diggle, a precaution. Samurai's wear armor of their deceased loved ones in battle. Luke carried Anakin's light saber. Oliver wore Shado's hood. This is not that, she knows it's not that. When her eyes flicked to the hood, Diggle said, "Oliver's suit stays in the case until he's back; all of the suit, Felicity."

So this is what she needs to do, she needs to focus. Nobody knows anything. So it could be anything. Felicity's imagination is exhausted. She's exhausted. Laurel called her today. Thea showed up at her work. Oliver didn't tell them, he couldn't really. "You know him, he probably just needed to get away, the island or something," Felicity had said to each. "Yeah," Laurel had said back, "this is Oliver, right?" She says it like he's disappointing her. Felicity knows Laurel is grieving her sister and there's tension between her and Oliver, but sometimes Felicity just wants to let her have it. Instead she promises that Oliver will contact her the minute she's back. And she agrees to help Laurel with something. Favor-friends forever, apparently.

Thea had been kinder. With a twist. Maybe it was just that she showed up at Palmer Technologies, that was odd. "It's just.. he was so sure about me coming back. Why would he leave? And why wouldn't he tell you? He calls you, a lot, and you call him. You're close, right?" Felicity had wanted to cry, to tell her how much Oliver loved her. Instead Felicity promised she would text her if she knew anything. Then Thea asked, "what if it's something else though? What if there's something we don't know?" Not good. But Felicity kept her cool and her response short. Thea promised to let Felicity know if she found anything out. When she texted Diggle about Lian Yu, he wrote back, "he may very well be." Maybe. Of course she's already run several scans of the island, no readable heat signature large enough to be him. But maybe.

Maybe is not enough. She walks back to her computer and looks at the lines of code that need many, many more hours of attention. She closes the window, thumbs her desk in thought and then pulls up the dark program so she can't be tracked on the Palmer servers. When it takes effect, she goes back to the site she left last night at 3:11 am. What's sleep, right? If Oliver can fight Ra's al Ghul, then he exists, and if he exists, there's information out there about him. Felicity will find it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Day 7 - Oliver**

"So maybe I was wrong."

"Oliver, are you- Oliver?"

His eyes go to the window.

"Oliver?"

When he looks back, she's smiling widely, "here we go again."

"You said coma patients don't dream, they hallucinate, right?"

"You think you're in a coma?"

"I don't know where I am."

"You're at Helio's on Carolina and Lee. How did you pick it?"

"Felicity-"

"What do you want me to do instead? Hack? Kind of hard with utensils."

"We need to figure this out. Felicity would figure this out."

"Then answer the question, how did you pick it?"

"Thea. Last year Thea said there was a really great Italian restaurant. Quiet, romantic. I came by it one night and I thought... you and I prefer quiet."

"We do," Felicity's smile is so bright he doesn't speak for a moment.

"I want to know what's happening to me."

She tilts her head, her earrings glittering like sunshine on water. "Me too."


	4. Chapter 4

**Day 9 - Felicity**

Felicity has replayed the memory so much that she thinks she's able to count the number of paisley dots on Merlyn's tie. 39. Deep purple coat, white shirt, scarf, grey pants. All of that she's sure of. She's probably wrong about the dots, but even 39 dots on a tie is easier to believe than when he said Oliver was dead.

She sits in the dark of her kitchen, back up against the cupboards near the kitchen sink, knees up, arms on her knees, head resting sideways. It's something she used to do as a kid, long after her Dad had left, when her Mom worked the night shift and she'd be left alone in the apartment. It was comforting, to sit in the darkness, watch the blinking neon light out the window and imagine a world of her own. Now, in her own kitchen, it's where she goes to be mad at Oliver. Mad because he said he'd come back, because he promised he'd never leave her, because he wanted to die, because he told he loved her. Of course he said he loved her, he was going to die. Only Oliver could be that infuriating. It's easier to be mad at Oliver, it's comforting. Because when that fades, the terror comes thick and sharp, threatening to break her until it just becomes another terrible sob.

When it passes, Felicity looks around. This is not her first loss. She can get through this. As a kid, when she felt alone, she would take apart the radio or the phone just to put them back together. It gave her a feeling of being necessary, of having the ability to return something to use. It's how she got through her Father's loss, by sodering unnamed wires and boards, dreaming of the day when she'd have more in her life. In a new town, somewhere with a college. When Cooper left, she did the same, she spent hours rinsing out the cheap hair dye until she was down to her ash brown, then she dyed it blonde, each strand slowly and surely. It wasn't about the physical change so much as it was rejecting her punk hactivist self that had gotten her and Coop into that mess. She wanted to be a good person who did good things. Nothing more. In a new town, somewhere without MIT.

Felicity stands up and dabs her face with a cold washcloth. Her eyes are red and puffy. Maybe this is the time to reject working for heroes, but she doesn't feel that truly. In honesty, the only change in the world she wants is Oliver back in it. In this town, in her town. They once joked about lovers coming back from the dead. Was it enough if only one had ever said it aloud to the other? Also no sex. Felicity closes her eyes. She goes over to her computer. If she can't believe he's dead, if she can't see what the world looks like without him, she can at least try and still feel necessary to him. Felicity pulls up her research on Ra's al Ghul and creates a new tab, M. Merlyn.


	5. Chapter 5

**Day 17 - Oliver**

"So maybe I was wrong."

"Oliver, are you- Oliver?"

His eyes go to the window.

"Oliver?"

When he looks back, she just rests her face against her hand. "Nothing new?"

Oliver closes his eyes in frustration, "I don't know. I don't know where this is."

"Yes you do, Helio's."

"You're not-"

"Oliver."

He lets out a long, violent sigh, "Felicity, something is happening."

"You think I don't know that?"

"Do you? Because Felicity wouldn't focus on anything but help me figuring this out. She would-"

"Oliver, you need to stay calm-"

"No, I need to fight," he slams the table so hard one of the glasses tips over and breaks to the floor.

Felicity looks at the floor and then back at him, her expression serene, "then fight, Oliver. But make sure you're fighting for something."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that you can't just fight Oliver, you have to know why you're doing it. Otherwise, otherwise, it's just violence. And you are better than that. Whoever, wherever you are right now, you are better than that."


	6. Chapter 6

**- For people still reading: THANK YOU. Sorry this is my first time posting on this (please send feedback if you can - I need all the help I can get!). More chapters are to come (there's a reason it's called Day 53). Will go up as I finish them. This is the first big one. I'm borrowing Caitlin from 'The Flash' (no rights, all disclaimers) for it. **

**Day 27 - Felicity**

The problem with Ra's al Ghul is not the lack of information, it's that the information about him goes back to a legend from the 1500's. He's a myth. A ghost story. An immortal warlord who kills in shadows and is never seen. But this can't be Ra's al Ghul because Nyssa is his daughter and Oliver fought someone.

Her phone buzzes, a text from Thea. "Still no word. Dinner Tuesday?"

She's become friends with Thea. It's a friendship built around them both believing Oliver will come back. Except Felicity is supposed to know he's dead and Thea doesn't. She texts back: "Still no word. Maybe, will let you know."

Right after a text from Diggle. "Hey, just checking in. You ok?" Diggle is worried about her. There's threats in Starling. Felicity is doing her best to balance overtime in the Arrow cave, Ray's project and her own project. And now there's Laurel. Laurel and Black Canary. Black for mourning. If she only knew. Laurel's determined to do it though and with Oliver gone, there's no one to stop her. Right behind her is Ray who thinks the suit could be ready by Spring.

Her doorbell rings and Felicity has no idea who it could be. She opens it and there's Caitlin, holding a grocery bag, a laptop bag and a duffle on her shoulder. "Diggle called me.."

"Why?"

"Because he's worried about you and he thought I could help. He basically implied that since I lost my fiancee, I'm an expert at the grieving process. I'm going to let that one slide because I think he's just really, really worried about you. I'm coming in. Also I'm staying all weekend and I have like a ton of ice cream that needs to go in your freezer. Right now."

"Caitlin, really..."

"My former fiancee is now my friend's current arch nemesis. I could use a weekend too, alright?"

Felicity lets Caitlin in and then texts Diggle. "Got your care package."

His text is immediate. "You need to talk to someone who understands. Lyla's got you covered at the Foundry. Call me this weekend, Sara misses her Aunt."

Felicity thumbs her phone and texts back, "thank you John. Be safe tonight."

When she looks back up, Caitlin is holding a pint of ice cream and a bottle of vodka. "Diggle's kind of the best," Caitlin says.

"You have no idea," Felicity replies.

Two hours later, Felicity and Caitlin sit on either side of the couch, covered in blankets, the credits of 'Next Stop, Wonderland' rolling on the tv in front of them.

"They shouldn't make Mint Chocolate Chip taste so good if it's bad for you.."

"The same with romantic comedies. I mean do they happen to anyone, ever? And if they do, why are the rest of us putting up with normal life?" Caitlin shifts, pulls the blanket on her side of the couch. "Speaking of, are we going to talk about it?"

"Oliver's death?"

"Yes, but also you and Oliver."

"There is no me and Oliver."

Caitlin's eyes roll, "I like to think of us as very intelligent. With a strong emphasis on the word very. Like those kids in class who had to build the entire replica of the Mayflower just because that was the assignment, even if we are given inadequate glue to do so."

"My take on tectonic plates is still at LV Elementary. I used sealed graham - not the point. Yes, we are."

"There is most definitely a 'you and Oliver.' If you don't believe that, you're lying to yourself. A huge lie. Like when people say there's no global warming lie."

"He's in love with Laurel Lance. I know that, mostly because he's said, over and over again, that he's in love with Laurel Lance. Also he's slept with everyone. Literally, everyone, but me."

"Ok, yes, I get that he had a bit of a uh, phase. But that wasn't the Oliver who came to Capital City or who I saw in Starling. That Oliver, well for one, is a smitten kitten. He basically follows you around. Adorable, by the way. Also, the staring. Unabashedly, sincerely, with this smile on his face that could..." Caitlin swallows, "which would also be adorable if it weren't for the smolder. You see the smolder, right?"

"Caitlin..."

"What? Fine. There's something else. He told Barry you were pretty much his Iris. Something like that. Barry said he thought you had a thing for Oliver but he didn't for you but after the whole Flash-Arrow partnership moment, he said he had Oliver all wrong. He said-"

"I'm not Oliver's Iris," Felicity croaks, her grief brimming somewhere in her throat. "Really. I just, I want to be him happy. He deserves to be happy."

"You love him."

Felicity doesn't want to think about that word. Not until he's back.

"I know you don't think this but he loves you."

The pang in her chest goes straight to her throat, "I need vodka."

"I'm on it."

Caitlin pours two glasses and hands one to her.

Caitlin smiles, "so you do know?"

Felicity downs her drink, "he's told me, a lot. They were, they were actually the last words he ever said before-"

"Felicity, what happened between you two?"

"Nothing. Except, well, during Slade's attack on Starling, he told me loved me. But it was part of this whole plan so I didn't believe him. Except after that, he was different. Then he asked me out."

"So you were dating?"

"We dated for approximately 15 minutes before our date was blown up."

"Ohhhh..." Caitlin says, downing her own glass before she pours another for each.

"Then, he just shut down so it was just easier to believe Oliver didn't love me, we'd never work out, and I just had to move on. So I did, or I thought I did."

"But you said-"

"He didn't. Move on. Or he did. I don't know. He's Oliver. But when he went to say goodbye, he said that he only knew two things about himself. The first, he would do whatever it took to protect his sister. The second was that he loved me. Maybe it was just goodbye."

"Felicity-"

The tears are in her eyes before she can stop them, "Oliver loves me."

"I know. Everyone knows."

The tears spill down her cheeks, "I didn't say it back. I should have. I wanted to. But I just... I was so mad that he was leaving, that he wanted to go alone. And I thought if I said it to him, when I was mad, it was because I was afraid he would never come back..."

"Felicity."

Felicity goes to speak but her lips tremble and she takes another sip of vodka.

"Is that why -" Caitlin begins and swallows. Felicity looks over and sees that Caitlin has tears in her eyes. "Is that why you think he's alive? Because you want to tell him that? Or do you have other reasons?"

Felicity sniffles, "how did you-?"

"You're not using the past tense." Caitlin leans forward, clasping her arm, "Felicity, do you think he could be alive?"

"Yes."

Caitlin takes a breath, "we need vodka. We need a lot more vodka."

After Felicity lays out her entire theory, Caitlin decides, "we should bug him."

"Bug who?"

"Merlyn," Caitlin says. "If Oliver's alive, Merlyn will know. Plus it sounds like we should be monitoring him anyway, for Thea."

"Merlyn is an evil mastermind. There's-"

"Like we've never gone up against an evil mastermind. We specialize in evil masterminds."

"I haven't told Diggle or anyone. I don't think we-"

"You don't need to. I'll take care of it. Or rather, Team Flash will."

"Team Flash?"

"We don't have a name yet."

"Thank you."

"About that," Caitlin sighs. "I need your help too."

"On what?"

"Mine." Caitlin pokes at a chip, "but Felicity, just.. just be careful. Because mine did come back from the dead, and look where... look where I am now."

"We need more drinks."

"All the drinks."


	7. Chapter 7

**Day 34 - Oliver**

"So maybe I was wrong."

"Oliver, are you- Oliver?"

His eyes go to the window.

"Oliver?"

Except he doesn't look back, his gaze remains fixed on the dark window. Where Starling should be, there's only blackness. This was the end, he thought. He fixes the thought: This is the end.

"Are you still trying to figure this place out?"

"No, I can't remember anything," he looks past her, "there were two people sitting over there. And... and maybe there. I just, I can't remember."

"I thought you always knew your locations."

"I wasn't focused."

"Right," Felicity says, her voice dry.

He looks over at her. Felicity is playing with her napkin, distracted, bored. It bothers him. This isn't what he wanted. He had wanted this to be.. so much more. Oliver sighs, desperate, "all I could think about was you."

Her eyes flick to his.

"I think it may be... I think this place may be for me to say goodbye."

Felicity gives him a skeptical look and then turns her gaze to the window. He takes the moment to examine her. Felicity is beautiful. He knows this. When they're working, she prefers a pony tail and glasses. It's how she's put together in his mind: ponytail, glasses, a bright dress, painted fingernails and a brain so brilliant, so good it overwhelms him.

"I'm so sorry Felicity but I had to, I had to save Thea."

"I know," she says, her eyelid flickers and a tear falls down the profile of her cheek. She doesn't look at him and her words come out simply, matter of fact. "Oliver, don't do this."

After he kissed her, she blushed. He could feel the warmth of it in his fingers. He died with that warmth still there, lingering, a hearth fire burning at home. Oliver looks back to the window just as he feels Felicity turn to look at him. The window seems larger now, the curtains have gone dingy grey, the room wine-dark.

When he had seen her, in her date dress, hair soft and flowing, it had felt like they had gone to some foreign land. A place. Where there was hope and love and Felicity smelling like mandarin blossom and peony. Only to watch it be shattered moments later. Oliver blinks and the room is even darker.

"You deserve so much more than this ending, Oliver."

Oliver looks back at Felicity, who now is lit only by the last remaining candle on the table.

"Don't say goodbye. Fight. For me if you have to Oliver. Fight."

Her features start to dim, the earrings lost in the hair, the line of her dress merging with her shoulder. "I don't know how."

Felicity smiles, "yes you do. Oliver, I know you do. Just... just wake up."

He watches her, searching her face, but her features dim. The room becomes darker and darker, swallowing them whole. When he tries to say her name, nothing comes out. Oliver closes his eyes, he tells himself to fight, but the darkness feels like a syrup entering his lungs. Fight. Fight.

And then it's there, something deep in him. There's a violent impact, a flicker of white, electric light, and finally a complete obliviousness that feels like relief.

** MORE TO COME. It picks up significantly from here out, thanks for being patient reader. **


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: There are spoilers (sorta?) for 'The Princess Bride.'

**Day 41 - Felicity**

So far, it's just data. But it's there and once they can decode it, they've got way more on Merlyn than they ever imagined. The issue is, it's coded really well. Whoever's doing it is good, so good that Felicity thinks she may have met her match. Team Flash has also taken all of her Ra's al Ghul research and given her some new hope. They call it the 'Dread Pirate Roberts' theory: Ra's al Ghul isn't a man, it's a name, held by an elite group of men had selected to be the leader of the League of Assassins all throughout time. Head Assassin. This is good news for a couple reasons. The first, Oliver is just fighting a man again. The second, Oliver has 'leadership material' pretty much written on his forehead. They could have offered him an out. Except. Except like the Dread Pirate Roberts, he'd probably have to go do that rather than come back. That's the good news.

The bad news is that Team Flash thinks she needs to stop. Caitlin's last email had been simple: "The two things we know to be true, without a doubt, are that Ra's al Ghul is dangerous and secretive. How sure can you be he can't track what you're doing? Would Oliver want you doing this?" Adding to the bad news, her good news isn't all that good. When did Wesley get back to Buttercup? It was a pretty long time. Nothing changes the fact that Oliver is gone. Really gone. An absence, that's what death is right? An eternal absence from life.

"Valentine's Day is next week.."

Felicity looks up to see Ray standing in front of her desk, holding his hands in front of him.

"Yeah, it is. February. Right."

"I would like to take you out for it."

Felicity feels her heart clench. For awhile, the idea of romance had gone away entirely. She told Ray 'Oliver left town without telling anyone, I'm worried' not long after the Merlyn conversation. After that, Ray had been everything you would want in a friend and colleague. He had supported her, comforted her and had asked very few questions about it. It's the problem. Ray is a good man. Ray is doing everything he can for her. Ray is alive, in front of her, offering something real.

"I know it's been hard for you. I know you're worried. I know I haven't left the lab in weeks. But.. we need this. They would want this for us."

"He means his fiancee. Felicity looks back to her computer, where Merlyn's impenetrable data sits. All she wants is to crack it. But what if there's nothing there? Or worse, what if it just confirms what he said? Thea says she's lost weight. Her dress is loose. She's not sure if it's from grief or worry. Or just the hole he left. The hole. The black hole. A black hole is a place where an everyday thing becomes so extreme it consumes everything else. She remembers that from physics, too extreme gravity pulls everything down, including light. She wonders if she's close to that or if she's there already.

"Anywhere in the world you want to go. Any food you want. We can even, we can even go look at the latest microprocessors in Tokyo. Or that market in Paris where they have that taffy stretcher, we'll just go sit and watch that. Pink taffy being stretched, for hours. Or hey, what about Big Belly Burger?"

Felicity swallows, scrolls across Merlyn's data and minimizes the screen. A black hole is a place where an everyday thing becomes so extreme it consumes everything else. She pulls it back up and then closes it. "Okay."

Ray nods happily, throws himself in a chair, pulls up his phone and begins listing off places in the world they could go. Felicity tries to focus but in the corner of her eye, near the entrance, she swears she sees him. When her glance goes there, it's just her assistant Gary coming back from his lunch. Felicity takes a breath and looks at Ray, willing herself to smile. She focuses, trying to let Ray's excitement win her over, but all that she can think is 'I'm sorry Oliver.'


	9. Chapter 9

**Oliver - Day 50**

"Sir, sir, this is the last stop. You need to get off."

Oliver's eyes open to pure, blinding light. There's a cacophony of sounds around him. People. Lots of people. Machines. Something else. When his eyes adjust, there's a woman in a dark blue uniform.

"Where am I?"

"Starling City. Are you okay?"

"Fine," he says. He's not.

She gives him a look of disbelief then her face softens, "should I get someone?"

"No," he says. He moves a leg, then an arm, both work fine. Actually better than fine. He is used to a small twinge of pain on his left side left over from a saber wound. The twinge isn't there. When he stands, there is a pulsing energy, a determination to move and he just wants to run.

He pushes past the attendant, off the train and into the crowd. It's immediately too much for him and he has to focus to find a restroom. Everything is different. It's as if he's walking in a foreign body. He goes to a mirror and looks. His hair is long. His beard is filled in. Not nearly as bad as the Island but definitely unkempt, at least a few weeks judging from the growth. A few weeks. But the face is his own, thankfully.

As he stares, it comes back in sketches and sensations: the feel of rocks under his hands, the cold of the mountain, Ra's al Ghul cragged face, how quick the fight was and then the blunt, heavy feel of metal in his lung. He had once been told you never feel the pain of the mortal wound, that had been true, all he had felt was the impact, an electric, white flash of memory, and then darkness. Except if it had been mortal, he shouldn't be here.

That's not all. Oliver presses his hand against his shirt and then pulls, revealing his torso to the mirror. There are no scars. There's nothing. He grabs the edges of the white porcelain sink and closes his eyes. Something must have happened. Enough to give him a new body, a beard, a train ticket, a pulse. Nothing. He slams down on the porcelain sink, which becomes dislodged, piping out water. Nothing, absolutely nothing. A man washing his hands a few sinks away gives him a look. "Buddy, you okay?

"I'm fine. I'll get someone," Oliver turns, rubbing his hand as he walks away. He looks down. There should be a small v scar from a bug bite. The skin is smooth. He pushes his other thumb on the spot, pressing hard to find any evidence of the former scar. Nothing. It's all gone. His scars, his memory, his death. All of it. Except it's not. They're toying with him. Or they think he's lost. Something has happened and he needs to figure it out. He needs to fight. Oliver focuses, he needs to get to the Foundry, he needs to get to his Arrow gear.

Author Note: Thanks all! Not done yet! Last batch should come up in a few days.


	10. Chapter 10

**Felicity - Day 50**

She opens her phone to a text from Roy. "Get to Verdant. Now. Oliver."

Felicity doesn't stop for breath. She is in the elevator and down to the first floor before she realizes her keys are on her desk. Too much time. She gets in a taxi, hands over all the cash in her wallet and says to get to Verdant in the Glades in ten minutes or she'll kill him. Then she apologizes and says to hurry. He does.

By the time she's pushing through the door, her legs are shaking and she thinks she might vomit. The first thing she sees are the backs of Diggle and Roy and a mess of blankets. Then his ear. Then he's there.

"Oliver," she says breathlessly, coming to a stop.

He looks up at her, unsure. In the movies people run to each other. Felicity wants to do that. But something in his gaze keeps her where she is. Oliver doesn't move a muscle. His hair is long, he looks haggard. That's one thing, but it's the stillness, the hardness that makes her freeze. Something is wrong. Something is really wrong.

"We should go downstairs," Diggle says, his voice in soldier-mode.

Oliver stands up and turns automatically, removing the blanket. Felicity looks him over for injuries but can't see anything. Not even a scratch. Roy gives her a look, worry. She returns it.

His story is terrifying and simple: He fought Ra's al Ghul and lost. Ra's crushed his throat and stabbed him through the heart and lung. He died. Until he woke up on the train this morning. That's it. That's all there is.

Felicity tries to think through the injuries. It's possible the blade could have missed both heart and lungs, but not likely. Even if it were, Oliver would have been awake. Unless he was put in a coma, she considers that. But there's no reason to induce a coma. When she runs out of explanations, she looks to Diggle, his eyes are fixed on Oliver and full of disbelief.

"There's something else..." Oliver stands, drops the blanket and removes his shirt (plain, basic, nothing he owned before though). Felicity is studying it when she hears Diggle mumble something. When she looks at Oliver, she thinks she might faint.

Felicity, for better or for worse, knows his body well. It's hard not to look at. She's counted the scars, imagined the horrors and wondered the stories behind the tattoo's. She has a mental list of them, complete with explanations for certain ones. Except now none of them are there. He's untouched and unmarred.

"That's not possible," Roy says.

"Oliver, what happened to you?" Diggle says.

Felicity's phone buzzes in her pocket. She ignores it.

"I don't know," Oliver says, upset and angry. "I just, I woke up like this. I don't feel anything that I usually feel. I don't look like I normally look. I'm just... here. And the last thing I remember is dying."

Roy looks to Diggle. Diggle looks to Felicity. But Felicity can't seem to take her eyes off Oliver. "Merlyn knew you were dead, he's who told us," Felicity says, her voice strange and indistinct. "Merlyn knows."

This gets Oliver to look at her and Felicity reluctantly pulls her eyes away from his torso. When their eyes meet, the familiar pull is there and for a moment the entire world is Oliver's face, alive in front of her. Except his expression, his expression is blank. This isn't right: Oliver smiles at her, he frowns at her, he furrows his brow at her, none of that is there. Felicity looks away, uncomfortable. Oliver puts his shirt back on and then turns towards the door.

Diggle grabs him. "Hey-"

"I'm going to talk to Merlyn."

"No you're not," Diggle says.

"I need to figure out what happened to me."

"No, you need to sit down, eat something, get checked out and get a haircut. Oliver, something happened to you. Something big. There could be effects, things... you can't go out there until you know everything," Diggle says.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket.

"Felicity, answer your phone," Oliver says angrily.

Felicity regretfully goes to her phone. A text from Thea. Two texts from Ray.

Thea: Hey, someone said they saw Oliver. It can't be true, right?

Ray: Have you ever been to Tulum? Wanna go? Are you a beach person? I don't know this yet.

She knows she's not in a relationship with Ray. Oliver had proved too distracting for that. Yet when she sees the text, she feels an immediate sensation of guilt. Like she's been unfaithful to Oliver all this time. Like she's now being unfaithful to Ray. "Thea knows your back."

Oliver now looks at her, the anger apparent in his eyes, "since when do you and Thea-? How long was I gone?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Oliver - Day 51**

Everything is different. There's new suits in the Foundry - a Diggle-sized Arrow costume, new additions to Roy's costume and parts of Canary's. Which isn't Canary, it's Black Canary and it's Laurel's. Sure. Roy's hair is buzzed. Diggle has a beard. They moved one of the lab tables across the hall. Felicity and Thea text. Felicity's phone doesn't shut up.

His eyes flick over to her, she's sending everything to STAR Labs. She's thinner. She's not wearing earrings either, it doesn't make any sense to him. Diggle is standing near to her, they're whispering. He can hear it though. The years of percussion-impact are gone.

"They think it's a metahuman," Felicity says to Diggle.

"Makes sense."

"Really? It does?"

"No but Oliver's back from the dead. We're in a new world here."

"Maybe we should tell Ray." Oliver's fist involuntary clenches. Ray. Great. Fricking fantastic.

"No, the less people who know, the better," Diggle says.

"But if it is something man-made-"

"Nobody else knows," he says sharply. This is his fight. Not anybody else's. Not Ray's. Not Laurel's. Not anybody but his. It's between him and the people who tried to take his life.

Felicity and Diggle look over at him. Felicity eyes are weary, blurry at the edges. She gives him a nod and looks at Diggle. Diggle gives her a nod. They don't trust him. He can see that much. It's hard to believe in ghosts.

"So I check out?"

"Nooo," Felicity says. "None of us here are -"

"It's been a day. I'm here, I'm breathing, I'm thinking clearly. I've passed every single test Caitlin's sent. I cut my hair. I ate something. What else do I need to do?"

"Oliver, we have no idea what this could be."

"Which is why I'm going to talk to Merlyn-"

"No, you're not," Felicity says, standing.

He pushes closer to her, "I wouldn't be here without a reason. Merlyn knows it."

"Yeah, and he's also the one who threw you to the league in the first place."

"So?"

"So the guy wants you dead, Oliver!" Felicity says. "And for all we know, you've only been alive for.. for.. not that long!"

"She's right, Oliver. We don't know what's going on here. Charging in blind-"

"I can't do nothing!"

"That's not what this is," Roy says.

"No, what this is, what he's started, is a war. And I'm going to fight it," Oliver says, grabbing his bow. He feels strong. He feels right. This is how this goes. It starts with Merlyn. Kill Merlyn and Thea is safe again. Then it's Ra's al Ghul.

"Put it down, Oliver-" Oliver looks and it's Diggle, a few steps away. "Look man, something's not right. You're not right."

Diggle puts his hand on the bow, Oliver tries to pull it back.

"Oliver," Felicity says from somewhere in the background.

Oliver pulls tight and gets the bow, but Diggle makes a small wince. An edge on the bow has cut his finger. Diggle gives him a look and puts the wounded finger in his mouth.

"I'm going, whether I go as the Arrow or not -"

He's halfway up the stairs when he hears Felicity say, "don't let him go alone."

He's not sure if it's Diggle or Roy. Diggle, he thinks. It doesn't matter.


	12. Chapter 12

**Day 52 - Felicity**

Her hands shook for an hour after he left. Diggle texts that he won't let him do anything stupid. Roy decides to back Diggle up. It leaves her alone in the Foundry. Which gives her a lot of room to pace. Which she does, for the first time in her life. Facts: Oliver is alive. Oliver is unhinged. Oliver has no scars. It's uber-Oliver. Oliver to the tenth power. Felicity calls STAR labs.

"Hey, how's it going?" Caitlin asks. "You're on speaker."

"Oh good, you're up, I know it's late."

"Kind of a big deal. Besides at midnight we're going to make - how are you?

"Not good. Oliver is... Oliver is amped up."

"Mirakuru amped up?"

"No, it's like, he's more Oliver. More alive. More focused. But he's still Oliver. No super strength."

"That could be stress -" Caitlin says.

"Come on, the guy came back from the dead, it's got to be cooler than stress-" Cisco says.

"He just... when Oliver gets frustrated, he likes to hit things. Right now, he's just a ball of wanting to hit things."

"So it is stress-" Caitlin says.

"I think so, but heightened stress. What if it's a side effect?"

"A side effect of what?" Barry says. "Hi Felicity. I'm here too."

"Of whatever he went through."

"You mean, whatever the meta human did to him.." Barry says.

"What if it's not a meta human-"

"The guy came back from the dead, fully healed, with no scars, no chemicals in his system, it has to be a metahuman," Cisco says.

"Then who is it? Ra's al Ghul?" Barry says.

"Would explain the immortal theory-" Caitlin says.

"Not really. Immortality is totally different than being able to heal someone." Barry says.

"Right," Felicity thinks. "in our research, Ra's al Ghul never leaves his super secret base somewhere in China, right? Like in all the years?"

"Oooooh, wait, wait, wait," Cisco says excitedly. "You don't think it's a person, you think it's a place."

"Yes," Felicity says. "And it... it healed him by amping up his healing process, which would also amp up-"

"Brain activity, which would make Oliver go..." Caitlin continues.

"Full crazy Oliver," Barry says. "Not to mention what his adrenal system must be doing."

"So this Ra's al Ghul guy - he's not Dread Pirate Roberts, he just keeps healing himself again and again? Dude, it does exist!" Cisco says.

"What are you talking about?" Caitlin says.

"The Fountain of Youth. This is some Indiana Jones stuff going on now," Cisco says.

"It's not the Fountain of Youth," Barry says. "Felicity, you want me to come up?"

"Last time one of you went full-crazy, you threw Oliver off a building. No thank you, but you know, thanks for offering. Diggle and Roy are on it."

"Can they handle him?" Barry says.

"Felicity, if what we're saying is even remotely true, Oliver has no gravity right now. He's just out there, spinning. You need to find a way to ground him, to calm him down. Something to tell his body to stop fighting so everything can calm down." Caitlin pauses.

"Like The Incredible Hulk," Cisco says. "But serious."

"You know he's fighting," Caitlin breathes. "That's Oliver. But you also know some other stuff about him, maybe two things, or one thing that might... remind him of who he is."

"What is she talking about? What are you talking about?" Barry says.

Before Felicity can respond, there's a text on her phone. Felicity opens it and gasps, "Oliver just shot Roy. They're coming back to the Foundry."

"I'm coming up."

"No Barry! I'll let you know. Just, just get into Merlyn's data. We need to know if we're even close to right and if there's... there's something going on with Oliver."

Felicity hangs up, doing her best not to panic. She readies the medical station, puts out the instruments, carefully hides tranquilizers around the Foundry and waits. Ray texts her: "Everything ok?"

Felicity wants to tell him Oliver is back but she can't. Not now. Not before Thea knows. Unless Thea already knows. She closes out of the text window, thinks about texting Diggle and then the door opens. Roy is passed out, there's a clean bullet wound to the shoulder. Oliver and Diggle place him on the table.

Diggle immediately begins to tend the wound. Felicity watches as Oliver goes to the corner and hits one of the training posts. When Felicity is leaning over Diggle, he whispers up to her, "we went to Merlyn's. He was with Thea," Diggle says. "Oliver wanted to go in anyway. Roy got worried about Thea."

"Who had the gun?"

"I did," Diggle says, with a look over his shoulder at Oliver. "It was ugly. Felicity, I've never-"

"I told you to let me go in alone," Oliver comes back into view.

"He was with your sister."

"Yeah, which is even more reason for me to go in."

"Or it could have been someone else we had to fight-" Diggle says.

"Thea would not have fought us."

"You don't know that Oliver. That's what we're telling you. You were gone for over fifty days. You don't know what-"

"I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. MERLYN DECIDED TO TAKE EVERYTHING FROM ME. MY SISTER, MY LIFE. HE DIDN'T SUCCEED. I'M BACK. I LIVED." Oliver slams his hand down and everything on the table jumps. Before the fern goes over completely, his hand stops it.

"Oliver, you are not right. Tell me that you know that. Tell me that you can at least see that."

Instead Oliver walks off angrily. Diggle looks at Felicity, "what the hell are we going to do?"

"I have an idea. You may not like it."


	13. Chapter 13

**Day 53 **

"So what's the plan?" Diggle asks in a whisper as he cleans Roy's graze.

It's not the best plan. The premise is shaky: Oliver is in uber mode and needs to calm down. The solution is even worse: she will be the one who calms him down. It's not completely without premise she thinks. Oliver did this too once, sorta. He trusted their relationship to pass a silent note to inject Slade and it worked. She just has to have the same faith in them. Except she's really not sure she trusts it, and she's positive Diggle won't. "You get Roy out of here. I deal with Oliver."

"No way."

"Yes way," she says, glancing back at Oliver, who is still in the corner, quiet fury radiating off him. "I calm him down, I get him to recognize something may be wrong and that maybe that's more important than going after Merlyn right now."

Diggle looks up at her, "he shot Roy to get to Merlyn, Felicity. Look at him."

"I can calm him down. But I need you to go away to do that."

Diggle shakes his head. Felicity knows what she wants to say but she hesitates, looking back one more time at Oliver. "If it were you, and Lyla asked me, I would John."

His eyes go to her immediately and she swallows. This is big and they both know it. Diggle knows, they've talked about it. But abstractly, like a middle school crush, so and so likes so and so. Not now though. Now it's different. It's about her saying that there is something tangible between them, strong and intimate, and it exists enough for Diggle to trust her with it and with helping Oliver.

"I'll take Roy upstairs but I'm not leaving. And if I hear anything, anything, I'll be back down here to tranq him," he says.

"Okay."

John Diggle always believes. It fills her with strength. Maybe it's not a terrible plan. Well, she still thinks it's a terrible plan, but she has to try. Felicity turns and puts the medical equipment in a bag while he wakes up Roy. Discreetly she puts the tranq gun in too. When she turns back, Roy is blinking slowly and Diggle is looking at Oliver. "Man..." he breathes.

"I know," she says. "He'll be okay."

"I wasn't thinking about him," Diggle studies Oliver. "But I can't believe he'd hurt you. He'd never be that gone."

Felicity nods. Roy sits up, Diggle helps him.

"What's going on?" Oliver says.

"They're giving us a minute-"

"I-"

"Oliver, stay where you are and be quiet," Felicity says.

To her surprise, he does. Diggle gives her a look, momentary amusement in his eyes. Felicity gives him a small grin but it fades as he heads up the stairs with Roy. When she turns, Oliver is looking at her, focused, face blank.

"What's going on?"

"Okay. There's a theory, that maybe you've been exposed to something, some form of treatment, that is causing your body to speed up certain things - like healing, or brain activity, or you know.. things that would make you be not dead."

"I feel fine."

"Fine, like when you took the bow from Diggle? Or fine like when you shot Roy?"

He gives her a long, stern look and then comes up quickly, too quickly, like a cat pouncing. She takes a step back but he takes the space up. It unnerves her. "You don't get it. I died. I came back from that, and however it happened, is because of Merlyn. So you can figure out whatever you want to figure out, but nothing, NOTHING, will change that. That's what I'm dealing with. And I would appreciate everyone getting there so we can deal with this."

"Oliver, Merlyn is not more important than your healt-"

"Merlyn was responsible for it, for my death, Felicity, how are you not seeing that-"

"I am Oliver, but-" Her voice is louder, desperate, and the tension rises between them.

"But nothing, IT WAS HIM," he says, eyes filling with something that she can only describe as rage.

"Do you want to kill Merlyn?" Felicity says, scared.

"YES!"

It sobers her up. Felicity takes a long breath, willing herself to settle and the speaks softly. "You don't kill, Oliver."

"This is different," he says.

"Oliver, I know you want to fight," she whispers, hesitantly moving to be nearer to him. "But we need to take time, we need to figure out a plan, if you would just-"

"We don't-"

Felicity shuts him down, "Oliver last time you fought Merlyn alone, you lost. When you fought with us, you lived. Right?"

"So what?"

"So if you want any of us to fight with you, you have to do something for me first."

He gives her a look of pure disdain and then pushes past her. Felicity's mouth opens, no. Bad. If he won't even acknowledge her, she has to figure out another plan and there is no other plan.

"What do you want?"

Felicity turns, he's at the base of the stairs, looking at her. The relief lasts until she realizes she's only now getting to the terrible plan. "I want you to stand over there, where we stood before you left, and tell me what you said."

He looks over at the table, skeptically. "What's the point?"

"The point is that's my offer. You want Team Arrow to stick by you, you do this for me."

He gives her another look of pure hatred. Felicity could write a book on Oliver's facial expressions, she believes she's actually nearing the end of possibilities.

"I don't remember all of it."

"It doesn't have to be exact," she says.

His gaze goes back to the table, hers stays on him. After what she imagines what must be three years worth of time, he sighs, gives her a look and goes over to the table.

Felicity turns and walks over, placing herself in a position away from him. It's not exactly where they were. He's not going to walk around her, apparently. She ignores that and also the feeling like they're dancers waiting for the music to play.

"Where do you want me to start?"

It makes her smile, she hadn't thought about it, but it had started with him saying that he'd do anything if it was her asking. Like now. She debates making him replay the whole thing, maybe he'd see that too, but that seems like pushing her luck. Especially as he's still very much in blank-face mode. "Two things you know-"

"There are two things I know about myself: I'll do anything to protect Thea," he says blandly, impassively, not really even meeting her eyes. He pauses and his eyes do meet hers, "do you want me to kiss your forehead?"

"Not necessary," she says, not happy with this version of Oliver. "And the second?"

He opens his mouth, closes it, turns his head away, sighs, and turns back.

"Oliver-"

"Are you trying to stop me from going? Is that what this?"

"No. And the second-?"

"Felicity-"

"And the second?"

His eyes meet hers but there's no warmth in his gaze, "I love you."

It doesn't matter. It's her turn and she's been practicing.

"I know," she says. "I love you too."

The distance is easy to cross, just one good pace. Before he can back away, she takes his face in her hands, and gently pulls his lips to her. It's chaste, simple, a comfort. He's impossibly still underneath her, and she can't help but feel like she's kissing a warm monument of Oliver, but he doesn't pull away. Hope.

She stays as long as she can and then pulls herself back, looking up at him, "do you understand?"

Oliver looks down at her but says nothing. She waits for something, anything, but it doesn't come. Oh no. She goes to step away, but there's quick movement from Oliver and she feels a hand at her back, pressing her into him. "Don't move," he says.

He's quiet, looking at her, his eyes darting to various places on her face and body. She's not exactly sure what he's doing, but she forces herself to stay still. She can smell the wool, wind, vaguely pine-y blend that is Oliver in his regular clothes. It's good to smell him again. She promises herself to never say that out loud. "Are you remembering something?"

"Why did you just do that?"

Felicity swallows, "... we needed a better goodbye. And hello."

As she says it, two things occur to her: the first was how grateful she was to be able to say that to him and the second was, she did it wrong again. Forcing herself not to think, she kisses him again, but this time she makes sure to leave any notion of friendship or comfort at the gate. This was what she wanted. This is them, she thinks. This is how they should be, whatever happens next.

Any thought he had leaves his head entirely when she kisses him and he just lets himself react. Until reality and thought start to fight their way back: Felicity is kissing him, really kissing him. Except he's not sure if it's happening, or if it has happened. Or what he feels. This, this is too powerful, too strong, it's throwing him around. A wave of longing passes through him, tossing him under. His breath leaves his chest, his vision sparks, and he pushes her away, desperate to keep control.

His breath is ragged and there's a feeling of utter bewilderment when he looks at her. "Oh," she says, in a voice nothing like her own, her own eyes wide in amazement.

Oliver breathes, trying to catch up, to remember just what the hell is going on, but none of the thoughts seem to stick. All he can think about is her. Her hair is slightly messed, her lips swollen, her eyes too blue under the glasses, and her cheeks are flushed. Felicity is blushing. Oliver swallows, that's what he remembered. On the mountain, he remembered her blushing. He closes his eyes and it all comes back in images, none distinct, some offering more questions than answers: the darkness, the cold, people speaking around him, a language he doesn't know, Felicity at Helio's, over and over again, more darkness, a voice he could swear was Sara's, being unable to move. Then everything goes to technicolor, startlingly clear, and he's on the train and back at the Foundry.

"Oliver?" Felicity says, somewhere near his ear.

When he opens his eyes, she's looking at him, her eyes full of worry. Oliver forces himself to stand, "I think some of it is coming back."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"Something happened to me."

She nods. It's only then that he realizes he already knows this and that Merlyn is involved. He tries to put his recent decisions back together in his head but can't quite see how the pieces fit. "I shot Roy."

To his surprise, she smiles. He frowns, "Felicity?"

"No, it's just, you're... never mind. It's just a graze. Everyone has scars," her eyes go wide, "or not."

Oliver looks back at her, "you said you know what's going on. Is that-? Is that why you just-?"

"We have a theory," she says carefully. "But no. I mean, some of it was. We thought you needed to calm down. Then Caitlin sort of thought I could help with that, and then I thought that I could, so I told Diggle I could. It was a terrible plan."

"Felicity-"

"But it worked, Oliver. I can tell because you're giving me the look you give me when you don't understand anything I'm saying."

"I don't understand anything you're saying."

"I know, but..." she pauses and then beams at him, "but it worked."

He doesn't know what she's saying. Or what it means. He's still processing the time he once thought lost that now is coming back to him in pieces. Also Felicity and Felicity's lips which took on a whole new existence in his understanding of her.

"I should go get Diggle and Roy," she says. "They probably think you've shot me too. Oh, too soon. Sorry."

She turns and heads towards the stairs. It's then he realizes what she said and how it's the first time she's ever said anything like it. "Felicity-"

She turns back, "yeah?"

"I think that... wherever I was, you were with me. You.. you never left me."

"You never left me either," she says.

"And you're right, it was a better goodbye."

Felicity smiles, "glad you're back."

(end.)

**Thanks to everyone who read, who followed, who favorited and who gave me feedback! It made all this really special for me. I really enjoyed writing it and now want to go back and fix it all. Yay. Thanks again. I will try to reply to any feedback or questions I get. Also thanks to Arrow for having her believe he's alive against all odds in the preview too! Woot! **


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